Hey there, Coach Koch. The name's Molly McConn.
You know my brother, Andy,
for it was the 2005 football team he was on.
I am the little sis to a trio of athlete brothers.
I've spent years on the sidelines cheering on your teams,
and I just now realized it's
on that field that I really want to be.
So, yes, I've come to ask your permission
To be on the roster for the Memorial’s v-squad football team.
Don't be fooled by my bountiful bleach blonde hair;
I'm rough and tough beneath these golden locks.
Besides, even as a hormonal-girlie-girl-teen
I've still got a good two inches on you—not to be mean!
I’d gladly don those fresh smelling uniforms
‘cause shoulder pads are totally coming back in.
But, it would look even better in this muted pink shade.
Red jerseys to pink—such an upgrade.
I'd love to meet guys from other schools
And from what I hear, this will give me “direct contact.”
I'm open to playing practically any position
just as long as I'm not one of the split ends (the word just makes me cringe!)
Isn't it taboo to hit a girl?
So with me on the field the opponent's defense is destroyed.
I want to take part in the fun Friday football festivities
My musical gifts are lacking; so, the band just won't do.
And, well, let's be honest--do I look like a cheerleader to you?
So your football team is the clear choice.
My friends say it may be intense,
But I've seen those drawing boards of the plays
and I'll see is hugs and kisses, Xs and Os!
My résumé so far is quite impressive.
I've attended a fair share of high school games,
won a college football draft,
and even been on the winning team for a family Thanksgiving backyard match.
So I'll buy some magical-muscle-building-beverages
Muscle Milk, I think it’s called?
I'll even put on the L-Bs.
Just put me on the team pretty please please please.
As you know the big Katy game is near,
But never fear, your girl Moll is here!
That's all for tonight; gotta wake up early for an early morning wake-up call for birthday girl Lexi Fink (pictured above)! Happy 18th, love you!